Introduction

Okay, where to start...

This is my first post, and if you've read my profile section than you know that I made this journal as a way to be completely honest about everything going on in my hectic life, in hopes that some very wise, honest, considerate co-bloggers would leave me some really helpful advice.

A lot of people say "I have the craziest life." Well, I'm pretty positive that I fall into that category. I'm so mixed up in so many things I don't know how I keep my head attached to my body. And they're not all bad things either, just the usual stuff life throws at you. Fortunately for most people, life just doesn't throw them THIS much crap. I guess what I'm kind of looking for here, in a way, are "cyber parents." If that phrase doesn't exist, it does now. At 20 years old I've certainly seen a lot, been through a lot, been to a lot of places, met a lot of people, and gotten mixed up into quite a bit.

I think it'll be easier for people to give me advice if they know a little bit of my background. And first I'd like to answer the question "Why don't you talk to your parents about all of this?" Here's your answer...
My father is an alcoholic. Fortunately over the past couple of years we've been able to leave out the word "abusive" to the title I give him; I have to give the man credit that he's come a long way with his lifestyle. He and my mom split up when I was about 8, and my sister and I have been back and forth with custody since then. My father is military, and if any of you have ever grown up in a military family then I don't have to explain any further. But not everyone grows up that way, so I'll give you a little insight. My father is very strict, very old fashioned, by the books, no back talk, no risks, don't ask questions kind of guy. I can't really say that I know him very well. I've tried over the last few years but it's hard to get to know a guy who only calls you after a dozen or so beers and starts off with "hi princess" and ends with "you're a crazy bitch just like your mother. I don't know where I went wrong with you." So obviously I don't go to him for advice, especially when my lifestyle doesn't come CLOSE to the one he'd like me to live...
My Mom... I love my Mom. She's one of the most important things in the world to me. She's has worse luck with life than I have... She's been battling Lupus for 10 years, and cancer since last summer. As if that isn't enough, she was also diagnosed as bi-polar years ago. One minute she's a sweetheart and supportive, chipper as can be. And the very next minute she's screaming in your face about what a disappointment you are. She hates my father for leaving her to raise 3 kids to herself, especially once she was diagnosed with Lupus and therefore is the biggest Feminist I have ever met. She hates men, hates the idea of them, and doesn't believe that any of them are any different from the rest. "There are no good ones." So, I definitely don't go to her for guy advice, but I really don't go to her for any advice at all. Right now I am more focused about getting her to her doctor's appointments and trying to talk her into taking her medicines, which she recently decided not to take any of them at all. "The side effects make me feel worse than the cancer, and then they give you more medicine for the side effects from the first pills." I can't blame her... I'm not a fan either and I can't imagine being in her position.

And of course, there's the parents I live with. Upper class folks who made a place for me in their home so that I could afford to go to college instead of paying for my apartment. My father makes way too much damn money for me to get any sort of financial aid, and refuses to help pay for it; not even for books. Without my adoptive (not legally, but that's how I refer to them) parents I wouldn't be where I am now. I am 2 years into college, with a trade school on the side, and working my butt off full time to get an apartment and keep traveling the way I do. They are amazing, generous people. Why don't I go to them for advice?? I'm not sure what's worse, a military father, or extremely EXTREMELY religious Catholics... I can't ask them anything. My adoptive parents are completely the opposite of me in every possible way. They are not social, they do not take risks or live off of adrenaline, they don't believe in asking questions or wondering why. They are work, home, church. All the time, that's all they do. They don't have friends, they don't go out unless it's family dinners. Judi, the mother, works 50+ hours as the Director of Finance for a fortune 100 company. Roger, the father, works 60+ hours as the Head of Facilities for Inskip, the largest car dealership chain in... probably the whole north east. Workaholics. But I guess that's how you get to be upper class and bringing in the big bucks. Anyway, even my choice of music is wrong, underage drinking is absolutely unacceptable, and having sex without being married sends you to Hell..... Soooo you can see why I don't ask them for any advice. I'm sorry, but the day I marry someone without ever having slept with them....? What happens if once you get married and you finally go to bed with them, it's absolutely horrible and there's absolutely no chemistry...? Chemistry and being able to connect with someone is so important. Don't act like you've never had bad sex... You know what I'm talking about. And I'm sorry if you're reading this and you agree with my parents. I absolutely respect the right to having your own opinion and making your own decisions.

Anyway. Before I get off track into a rant on religious beliefs and politics...

So let's see. I'm 20 years old, female, go to school part time nights, work full time days, and I'm just trying to find a path in life that works for me. I know I don't make the best decisions, I'll admit to that. And I'm horrible with money, there's no doubt about that either. About a year ago, I became obsessed with the saying "Live like there's no tomorrow." I took it way too literally and well, I've come to realize that there will always be a tomorrow, and my actions really do have huge consequences. I spent all last year working at least 2 jobs, while going to school and built up a good savings account. Then this year I spent pretty much the entire year in North and South Carolina visiting friends and hanging out on the beach. Bye bye savings account. Now I'm back in Rhode Island trying to find work so I can work my butt off all winter and get my ass back down there, permanently hopefully, by September. I got back to Rhode Island in September, and about 5 days after I got back I was a passenger in a really bad car accident. I was in the backseat of a supercharged saturn ion. Now, I always knew it wasn't a good idea to try to make a stop light at 70mph when there's wooded areas everywhere, but apparently the driver thought he was superman... Well we flew all right... We flew 70mph through 3 trees and back out onto the highway. Remember that bad luck I was telling you I had? Well, I was in the backseat with a 16lb bowling ball.... As if the car accident wasn't enough, I was blessed with this goddamn bowling ball. Well, a right broken ankle, left sprained ankle with 2 broken toes and 1 fractured, 2 fractured ribs, a fractured jaw, 4 chipped teeth, a severe neck sprain, loss of short term memory for 6 weeks and a severe concussion later... I am at the point I am now. 8 weeks of recovery and I'm looking to go back to work and posting journals on Blogger.com

I'll fill in more pieces along the way, as I come to more questions without answers in life, but for now that about covers what you need to know. Anything else, you can certainly ask me.
So I guess for tonight I'll wrap up the introductory. Maybe tomorrow I can get online long enough to post about my upcoming dilemma this weekend holds.

Sweetdreams xo