My court date for the State of Virginia is Monday morning.
State of Virginia vs. kay_ski
1 count Felony charge of reckless driving
92 in a 65 HOV/Highway Safety Corridor/State Construction Zone (45mph)
Yikes. I got this ticket in June, when I got a call saying my mother was in the hospital for congestive heart failure. She had been suffering from pneumonia for a few weeks, which got in the way of cancer and treatments and all the fun stuff life offers.....
So I suppose it was no excuse for speeding excessively. Did I care at the time? Absolutely not. Would I have cared a lot more had I known this type of speeding is a Felony, requires mandatory jail time, countless hours of community service and thousands of dollars in fees? YEP!
The state of Rhode Island has no such laws, not even close! You have to pretty much kill someone to go to jail up here... They just don't have the space or funding in state prisons for petty crimes. I didn't crash into anyone, it was 3am on a Thursday and no one was on the road. Could I have? Sure, I'm not super woman.
My cruise control was set at 88. We happened to be going downhill, and it hadn't caught up yet.
Anyway, the court day kept getting continued up until Monday. I have some fancy lawyer (that ran me 5 grand) who says he's going to keep me out of jail, keep this off my record, let me keep my license, and stick to the community service and fines idea. While I have enough to pay for as it is (bills from cancer specialists are not cheap) I suppose I'd rather pay the fines than serve 30 days in jail. Who would take care of my mum...
So we'll see what the judge says once my lawyer calls me Monday afternoon. I'm nervous, not being down there for it. But my lawyer says not to come. I feel like I have no say in the matter, not being there. We'll see.
As far as those bumper stickers are concerned...
Virginia is NOT for lovers.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
6 - Kilo, Lima & Georgia
I know I told you already about Lima's confession of being in love with me, and how he wanted me to move to Georgia in September. And I told you in a later post that he makes me so happy and always manages to get rid of my stress and bad days. Well, I've decided to go. In September I will move to Georgia. I've discussed it with my parents (all of them lol) and everyone is surprisingly really supportive. I've always been very impulsive in my decision making, and it's never gotten me anywhere good (except a lot of really awesome road trips, memories and pictures that I will never regret) but they do know one really important factor... I have never been impulsive towards guys. I do not take risks, I do not take leaps, I do not commit, I do not depend on anyone, I do not trust them or rely on them or get attached. So, with this decision I am doing D. All of the above. I think that's why my parents are being so supportive. They know I must be serious about the way I feel and the direction I want to go, to be willing to do all of this. It's a long term committed relationship, living in the same household, sharing my bed, the same toilet, and he'll know everything I do, everyone I talk to, and everywhere I go.... Like a parent...... Yikes. Before I talk myself out of this one. Back to the good parts.
I can wake up to his beautiful face everyday =)
I can make pancakes for TWO =)
I can actually have a reason to cook dinner, rather than go out =)
I have someone who can wash my back =)
I can probably bribe him into some foot rubs =)
I can finally have a dog again! =)
I'll have someone I can tell everything to, and will still love me no matter what =)
I can enjoy my love of grocery shopping again =)
I can complain about the PT clothes all over the floor, camo's in the living room, and muddy boots in the hallway (which isn't a bad thing, but it's so wife-ly to say something like that) =)
I can actually have the opportunity to make gorgeous blonde babies in the future, if I so chose to finally do so lol (no smiley face for that one, I haven't decided if that's good for bad lol of course I want kids, but maybe in like, 5 years)
So, see this isn't so bad. A lot more pros than cons. Did I mention he's fantastic in bed? That's always a huge deal breaker. Ha.
So, when I told him this decision, I told him not without Kilo, my best friend. So, he said no problem. We'll move into a community, where she can have her apartment very close by us and I can see her all the time. I had already talked to her about it and she was all for moving to Georgia.
Tonight, however, the conversation with her didn't go so well... I don't know how she mixed it all up, when I said "I think I've made up my mind to move in with Lima... Would you be interested at all in moving into an apartment in GA?" HOW she heard (selective hearing maybe) "I want to move into an apartment with you in Georgia so I can pursue a relationship with Lima," I have no bloody idea...
So Kilo and I got into an argument tonight. She says I'm stupid to move in with him, I'm ditching her to live with a guy, it's not going to work out and I'm just going to have to move out after a year anyway, on and on and on.
Some points, valid. Most points, spoiled and selfish. The latter because I both spoil her, and give myself all to her, all the time. She is a feminist. Hates guys with a passion. Always negative. No risks, no leaps, no commitment. Sound familiar? Well, apparently they were more of 'rules' to her than preferences. And now that mine have changed, it's like I'm breaking some sort of pact. I can see her point in that I'm rushing things a bit. I even see her reasoning when she says her and I should move in together, and I could see Lima whenever. But here's how that would work... Lima and I are extremely busy people and most of the time I work 2 jobs. We'd try to see each other all we could and that would include almost always sleeping at one of our houses... So why live in two separate places if we'll always be together? It's a waste of money, I still want to save for a house, and I still have to pay for school every semester. And aside from all this, she's not the most organized person. And I could never tolerate the mess in her bathroom at all times. And her dog, has an eating disorder. Gets sick after most every meal. I'm all set with all of the above.
So of course Kilo and I will be fine by tomorrow. She'll pick her own place for her and her dog. We'll be neighbors. I'll wake up to Lima everyday. And life will go on as we know it =)
xo
kay_ski
I can wake up to his beautiful face everyday =)
I can make pancakes for TWO =)
I can actually have a reason to cook dinner, rather than go out =)
I have someone who can wash my back =)
I can probably bribe him into some foot rubs =)
I can finally have a dog again! =)
I'll have someone I can tell everything to, and will still love me no matter what =)
I can enjoy my love of grocery shopping again =)
I can complain about the PT clothes all over the floor, camo's in the living room, and muddy boots in the hallway (which isn't a bad thing, but it's so wife-ly to say something like that) =)
I can actually have the opportunity to make gorgeous blonde babies in the future, if I so chose to finally do so lol (no smiley face for that one, I haven't decided if that's good for bad lol of course I want kids, but maybe in like, 5 years)
So, see this isn't so bad. A lot more pros than cons. Did I mention he's fantastic in bed? That's always a huge deal breaker. Ha.
So, when I told him this decision, I told him not without Kilo, my best friend. So, he said no problem. We'll move into a community, where she can have her apartment very close by us and I can see her all the time. I had already talked to her about it and she was all for moving to Georgia.
Tonight, however, the conversation with her didn't go so well... I don't know how she mixed it all up, when I said "I think I've made up my mind to move in with Lima... Would you be interested at all in moving into an apartment in GA?" HOW she heard (selective hearing maybe) "I want to move into an apartment with you in Georgia so I can pursue a relationship with Lima," I have no bloody idea...
So Kilo and I got into an argument tonight. She says I'm stupid to move in with him, I'm ditching her to live with a guy, it's not going to work out and I'm just going to have to move out after a year anyway, on and on and on.
Some points, valid. Most points, spoiled and selfish. The latter because I both spoil her, and give myself all to her, all the time. She is a feminist. Hates guys with a passion. Always negative. No risks, no leaps, no commitment. Sound familiar? Well, apparently they were more of 'rules' to her than preferences. And now that mine have changed, it's like I'm breaking some sort of pact. I can see her point in that I'm rushing things a bit. I even see her reasoning when she says her and I should move in together, and I could see Lima whenever. But here's how that would work... Lima and I are extremely busy people and most of the time I work 2 jobs. We'd try to see each other all we could and that would include almost always sleeping at one of our houses... So why live in two separate places if we'll always be together? It's a waste of money, I still want to save for a house, and I still have to pay for school every semester. And aside from all this, she's not the most organized person. And I could never tolerate the mess in her bathroom at all times. And her dog, has an eating disorder. Gets sick after most every meal. I'm all set with all of the above.
So of course Kilo and I will be fine by tomorrow. She'll pick her own place for her and her dog. We'll be neighbors. I'll wake up to Lima everyday. And life will go on as we know it =)
xo
kay_ski
5 - Why are optimists taken for granted?
I haven't felt very motivated to write anything these past few days... So I'm getting these 3 discussions out of the way in one night.
I have always been the "fun" girl. Spotlight of attention, life of the party, master of great ideas and the girl who always got invited to everything. I am funny, smart, people love to spend time with me, and I'm always the bubbly optimistic person who's always in a good mood.
And, like any normal person, I have bad days. Most of which I keep to myself. Ignore phone calls to go out, text message people to say I'm busy or already have plans, you get the idea.
But this past Thursday, Turkey Day, HORRIBLE. So horrible that I am still recuperating from it, and it's Sunday. I have spent everyday since then in bed, with my cell phone off, pretending that I do not exist. I check my voicemail periodically (still looking for work, you know) and what do you know, the usual voicemail...
"Your phone is off... why is your phone off? Your phone is never ever off..."
Or from smart people who have been around a while...
"I called to see if you wanted to go out. You might be in a bad mood. If you are call me and let me know, I'll make plans some other time"
"Ut oh, your phone is off... Does that mean you're in a bad mood?? Did something happen? Can you call me please... I don't like it when you don't answer. What is your cell phone for if you don't answer it?"
I could go off on a million things with voicemail like these....
1. I'm allowed bad moods okay
2. Oh god my phone is off, has hell frozen over? I think not.
3. I have a cell phone as a mobile device. Not as a "I'm available to your needs whenever you'd like, 24/7/365
4. What the hell would you do with yourself if cell phones didn't exist?????
Why am I not allowed bad moods? Why aren't I allowed to have bad days? Why am I getting voicemail of people trying to avoid me, not wanting to make plans? Where is the voicemail that says, "Do you need me to bring you anything? Do you need someone to talk to?"
Why do people take me for granted just because I'm always happy and always fun to be around... What are you all 'fair weather friends'? I know you better than that... You're better than that. I'm always there for you... Where's MY soup damn it. Where's my ridiculous eCard? Instead I hear "Oh you're no fun... I'll call you later."
Thanks for taking the time out of your day. Strokers.
I have always been the "fun" girl. Spotlight of attention, life of the party, master of great ideas and the girl who always got invited to everything. I am funny, smart, people love to spend time with me, and I'm always the bubbly optimistic person who's always in a good mood.
And, like any normal person, I have bad days. Most of which I keep to myself. Ignore phone calls to go out, text message people to say I'm busy or already have plans, you get the idea.
But this past Thursday, Turkey Day, HORRIBLE. So horrible that I am still recuperating from it, and it's Sunday. I have spent everyday since then in bed, with my cell phone off, pretending that I do not exist. I check my voicemail periodically (still looking for work, you know) and what do you know, the usual voicemail...
"Your phone is off... why is your phone off? Your phone is never ever off..."
Or from smart people who have been around a while...
"I called to see if you wanted to go out. You might be in a bad mood. If you are call me and let me know, I'll make plans some other time"
"Ut oh, your phone is off... Does that mean you're in a bad mood?? Did something happen? Can you call me please... I don't like it when you don't answer. What is your cell phone for if you don't answer it?"
I could go off on a million things with voicemail like these....
1. I'm allowed bad moods okay
2. Oh god my phone is off, has hell frozen over? I think not.
3. I have a cell phone as a mobile device. Not as a "I'm available to your needs whenever you'd like, 24/7/365
4. What the hell would you do with yourself if cell phones didn't exist?????
Why am I not allowed bad moods? Why aren't I allowed to have bad days? Why am I getting voicemail of people trying to avoid me, not wanting to make plans? Where is the voicemail that says, "Do you need me to bring you anything? Do you need someone to talk to?"
Why do people take me for granted just because I'm always happy and always fun to be around... What are you all 'fair weather friends'? I know you better than that... You're better than that. I'm always there for you... Where's MY soup damn it. Where's my ridiculous eCard? Instead I hear "Oh you're no fun... I'll call you later."
Thanks for taking the time out of your day. Strokers.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
4 - TSO, Peter, The Ex & Lima
Tonight I went with my family to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra. For those of you who know them, you know why I'm smiling =)
And for those of you who don't, what were you thinking? You should really check them out, immediately. They're played on the radio up here a lot, and I can only hope they're played on stations elsewhere too. Basically they play Christmas music, but with a heavy metal/rock and roll mix. They are very religious, don't hesitate to speak about their love for God, and play some of the best music to come around in a long time. You'd be familiar with the songs, they've been around since forever, like Deck the Halls, White Christmas, things of that nature. But they add their own custom rock/metal twice. You can find them on YouTube, for a free peak, or you can buy one of their 4(3?) albums online or at the store. Anyway, the show was amazing. They have a fantastic laser light show that goes along with their music. It really is a great event to go to with friends, family, and even the kids if they're OK with loud music and sitting still for 2 1/2 hours.
Earlier today I hung out with my friend Peter. We were supposed to get breakfast and maybe do some Christmas shopping, but the boy never does wake up in time. I finally got him out of his house at 12. By then I was ready for lunch, but my heart was set on the pancakes and bacon he had promised me, so he found a late morning diner. We then proceeded to the mall, and walked around a bit. On the drive over to the mall, I nearly crashed my car somewhere between 5 and 47 times. Peter's hands were all over me and I really was not in the mood. First of all, I'm driving at speeds dangerous enough to kill us. Secondly, who gave him the OK to be touching me, anyway? Boy was I irritated. If he didn't make us crash, we were going to crash anyway from the distraction of me punching him in the face. So, naturally, I was no longer in a good mood and didn't feel like being at the mall. Across all 4 floors, he just couldn't stay off me. What is it with men and the word no? Was it left out of their mental dictionary when they learned to communicate? It sure as hell doesn't sound like "yes." So we left, I dropped him at his house and told him we wouldn't be hanging out again unless he could control himself. That's when I got this comment, "If you won't sleep with me that must mean you're putting out to some other dude, and in that case I don't want to touch you anyway." Can you say WOW...? If I hadn't had the urge to really punch him before, I certainly did now. And if it weren't for my foot on the brake, locking my seat belt, I probably would have reached across my car and beat him to death.
One asshole wasn't enough today.
Juliet, the ex boyfriend, annoyed the crap out of me the entire night to the concert, through it, and after it. I don't know why I agreed to go together. As friends we get along, but around other people it's like he's provoked to irritate me. The boy is 23 years old, and his latest thing is to say "No, you're ____." and fill in the blank with whatever you said right before. So I'd be trying to have a conversation with him, about whatever, say for example the cop who pulled me over the other day, and the conversation would go like this:
Me: His reasoning was ridiculous, he knew I wasn't speeding.
Juliet: No, you're ridiculous.
Me: What? How am I ridiculous?
Juliet: No, you're ridiculous.
Me: What are you talking about?
Juliet: No, what are you talking about?
Me: OK, this is annoying.
Juliet: No, you're annoying.
Again, the man is 23 years old. I don't know how I put up with him for 3 years... Oh wait, yes I do. We were both in the military and we hardly ever saw each other until just this year. Ugh...
So between the ex and Peter, I had grown a massive migraine. The loud music wasn't helping and I just wanted to go home and hit the bed.
And then there was my savior... =)
Lima. Quite possibly (as I mentioned before) the love of my life. Waiting online for me to get home, in hopes I'd be back before he had to leave for work. Eight hour time difference doesn't leave many reasonable hours to talk. But I caught him at about 720am, 20 minutes before he had to leave for work. He makes everything better. Makes everyone else not matter. My entire bad day just vanquished into thin air and my mind is filled with thoughts of him being home again, of us cuddling on the couch watching a movie, or me trying to teach him how to cook dinner. Reminds me of rolling around in the bedsheets with him and calling each other our secret nicknames. Taking a shower together and him moving around all the bathroom stuff, to mess with my OCD habits. I just miss everything about him, but it doesn't make me sad... It just makes me smile and makes me happy from the inside out knowing he'll be home again and no one else will matter, bad days will be gotten rid of the minute I walk through the door of our house.
And then I remember that September is so bloody far away....
xo
kay_ski
And for those of you who don't, what were you thinking? You should really check them out, immediately. They're played on the radio up here a lot, and I can only hope they're played on stations elsewhere too. Basically they play Christmas music, but with a heavy metal/rock and roll mix. They are very religious, don't hesitate to speak about their love for God, and play some of the best music to come around in a long time. You'd be familiar with the songs, they've been around since forever, like Deck the Halls, White Christmas, things of that nature. But they add their own custom rock/metal twice. You can find them on YouTube, for a free peak, or you can buy one of their 4(3?) albums online or at the store. Anyway, the show was amazing. They have a fantastic laser light show that goes along with their music. It really is a great event to go to with friends, family, and even the kids if they're OK with loud music and sitting still for 2 1/2 hours.
Earlier today I hung out with my friend Peter. We were supposed to get breakfast and maybe do some Christmas shopping, but the boy never does wake up in time. I finally got him out of his house at 12. By then I was ready for lunch, but my heart was set on the pancakes and bacon he had promised me, so he found a late morning diner. We then proceeded to the mall, and walked around a bit. On the drive over to the mall, I nearly crashed my car somewhere between 5 and 47 times. Peter's hands were all over me and I really was not in the mood. First of all, I'm driving at speeds dangerous enough to kill us. Secondly, who gave him the OK to be touching me, anyway? Boy was I irritated. If he didn't make us crash, we were going to crash anyway from the distraction of me punching him in the face. So, naturally, I was no longer in a good mood and didn't feel like being at the mall. Across all 4 floors, he just couldn't stay off me. What is it with men and the word no? Was it left out of their mental dictionary when they learned to communicate? It sure as hell doesn't sound like "yes." So we left, I dropped him at his house and told him we wouldn't be hanging out again unless he could control himself. That's when I got this comment, "If you won't sleep with me that must mean you're putting out to some other dude, and in that case I don't want to touch you anyway." Can you say WOW...? If I hadn't had the urge to really punch him before, I certainly did now. And if it weren't for my foot on the brake, locking my seat belt, I probably would have reached across my car and beat him to death.
One asshole wasn't enough today.
Juliet, the ex boyfriend, annoyed the crap out of me the entire night to the concert, through it, and after it. I don't know why I agreed to go together. As friends we get along, but around other people it's like he's provoked to irritate me. The boy is 23 years old, and his latest thing is to say "No, you're ____." and fill in the blank with whatever you said right before. So I'd be trying to have a conversation with him, about whatever, say for example the cop who pulled me over the other day, and the conversation would go like this:
Me: His reasoning was ridiculous, he knew I wasn't speeding.
Juliet: No, you're ridiculous.
Me: What? How am I ridiculous?
Juliet: No, you're ridiculous.
Me: What are you talking about?
Juliet: No, what are you talking about?
Me: OK, this is annoying.
Juliet: No, you're annoying.
Again, the man is 23 years old. I don't know how I put up with him for 3 years... Oh wait, yes I do. We were both in the military and we hardly ever saw each other until just this year. Ugh...
So between the ex and Peter, I had grown a massive migraine. The loud music wasn't helping and I just wanted to go home and hit the bed.
And then there was my savior... =)
Lima. Quite possibly (as I mentioned before) the love of my life. Waiting online for me to get home, in hopes I'd be back before he had to leave for work. Eight hour time difference doesn't leave many reasonable hours to talk. But I caught him at about 720am, 20 minutes before he had to leave for work. He makes everything better. Makes everyone else not matter. My entire bad day just vanquished into thin air and my mind is filled with thoughts of him being home again, of us cuddling on the couch watching a movie, or me trying to teach him how to cook dinner. Reminds me of rolling around in the bedsheets with him and calling each other our secret nicknames. Taking a shower together and him moving around all the bathroom stuff, to mess with my OCD habits. I just miss everything about him, but it doesn't make me sad... It just makes me smile and makes me happy from the inside out knowing he'll be home again and no one else will matter, bad days will be gotten rid of the minute I walk through the door of our house.
And then I remember that September is so bloody far away....
xo
kay_ski
Monday, November 19, 2007
3 - Three Men & A Little Lady (of super model size)
This could actually get pretty tricky, now that I think about it... I'm trying to decide the best way to tell you about the important people in my life without actually using real names. The entire purpose of this blog was the opportunity to be completely honest, and if someone figures out who these people are, well then I can't imagine very much would go over well...
Either way, I'll figure it out.
So I am an unmarried woman with no boyfriend or commitment. I'm about as single as they come. But I have some very important men in my life. And of course, a lady. Of the men that are important to me, most of them are military. It comes with the lifestyle, and it's natural to make friends with people you can relate to. Anyone can say "I understand how you feel" but only another person who's gone through boot camp can really understand how you felt when you were forced to strip down to undergarments and roll around in the sand after working up a sweat in 114 degree weather in the middle of Texas. Only then can you tell me you know what it's like to be covered in sand under your uniform all day.
Anyways, these are the small handful of people I would do anything for. Bailing them out of jail, driving them out of state to pick up a car or for a trip, take a bullet for them. I can honestly say that I love every single one of these guys (and lady) and without them I don't know where I'd be.
Kilo* - This is my best female friend. She's beautiful. 5'9, tan, brown and blonde hair, killer smile. She's a super model, without actually being one. I met her through the Marine Corps, her and I attended the same Marine Corps Birthday Ball. We've been inseparable since then. We joke around and call each other 'wife.' If same sex marriage was a lot more out in the open and a lot more popular I'm sure a lot more people would mistakenly think we're serious. I couldn't have asked for a better friend. The only girl I have ever met who will honestly and whole-heartedly do anything for me, and I the same for her. She's stuck around through thick and thin and the best part about our relationship, is that sometimes we fight. I know that sounds strange, but if you think about it it makes sense. Think about most of your friendships, how many of those people can you honestly say you've fought with? Most of the time you don't spend enough time with a person to disagree with them or not get along, so there's nothing to argue about. Or they're not around enough to make it even worth saying something, when there is something that upset you. With Kilo, I can tell her when she hurt my feelings or when she plain ol' pissed me off, and she'll tell me when to shut the hell up. It works out for the both of us, and in an hour or by the next day we're completely over it. I love it. I can be completely honest with her, tell her anything, and she's still supportive. It's the most uncomplicated relationship I have ever had.
Bravo* - I've known this guy since 7th grade. Best thing about us, is that we've never tried to be more than friends. Never went out on a date, never kissed. Maybe that sounds weird to you too. But it's true when I tell you that when you know someone for that long, especially at such a young age, more times than not you think you have feelings for the person and try to make something of it. Bravo and I have always been strictly platonic friends and because of that we've been able to be best buds since forever. We both got arrested for the first time together (stealing street signs when we were 16. oh well), we've climbed to the tops of huge buildings, been there through breakups and makeups, gone on plenty of double dates. As straight as Bravo is, it's almost like having a gay best friend. I can talk to him about cramps, sex, anything... And he doesn't get grossed out or tell me to go find a girlfriend. Bravo, to Bravo.
Charlie* - What a pain in my ass. But he means the world to me. This is a bad, bad situation. He's the most stubborn, thick headed, hot tempered, impatient son of a bitch I've ever met. But there's just something about him... And unfortunately I wasn't the only one to feel that way. We tried to date, at least that's what I thought we were doing... And we drove each other absolutely crazy. I was convinced we were trying to make things work, and went insane when he was constantly talking to 1000 girls a day. Cell phone was non-stop. Really annoying. Well, he went crazy when he got sick of hearing me complain about it. It all came crashing down from there, but for some reason I never stopped talking to him. He completely lead me on to think we were exclusive, and broke my heart by telling me otherwise in the worst possible way. Like I said, there's just something about him. He's in the Marine Corps as well, and is currently stationed in Iraq. We write letters back and forth to each other, and of course he's the asshole who writes "I miss you" or "I really regret screwing everything up between us." Oohh what an idiot I am to carry on with it.
November* - This guy, is like my student. I pretty much teach him everything he knows. Like me, he went right into the military at the ripe age of 17. Except with him, he's now 22 and is still enlisted. He's never been a civilian, always was a Mamma's boy before he enlisted. He's never cooked with anything other than a microwave, has no idea how to do laundry, and couldn't tell you how to balance a checkbook. Thing with him is, he thinks he's absolutely in love with me. He believes I'm the greatest woman to ever walk the planet. My opinion, I think he's in love with my life, not me. I think it's that I've travelled so much, I've seen a ton of places and events, met a lot of truly unique people, and know how to live a normal, civilian life. Because he's based so far away from his home, I'm really the only person he knows that doesn't share the same base with him and isn't enlisted in the Marine Corps. I think for him, I'm a safety net. The closest thing to his Mum while he's away from home. I couldn't be in a relationship with him, ever. I feel so much older than him, even though technically he's a year older than me. We're on totally different pages in life, I'm much further up the ladder to Heaven. But, he's one of the best guy friends I've ever had. Extremely reliable, trustworthy and the best damn cuddle buddy for a movie. He, fortunately, is still in the States so at least I have one of my boys home, but he is set to leave for deployment come March.
Juliet* - Oooh the ex boyfriend. Also a Marine, might I add, and also not in Iraq. He just came home from his 3rd deployment in September. We started out as best friends, got ourselves into one hell of a relationship, it didn't work out and now we're friends. Except neither of us has completely let go. I see him 5 days out of 7. We occasionally still say I love you. We're extremely territorial of each other, but not in a jealous fashion. More like in a "don't you dare break my best friend's heart" fashion. Neither of us ever think the other's date is good enough. Always something wrong with them. And we're not in denial about not wanting to be together. Believe me it just doesn't work between us. I guess it's just hard to see each other with someone else, when we remember all of the good days we had together. Seeing him flirt or talk to other girls reminds me of when we used to get along, and everything was perfect. We've had a couple of relapses over this past year, tried to get back together. It was like... Trying to put out a fire with a tank of gasoline. We're exactly the same kind of stubborn and argumentative. We just pushed each other's buttons. But as friends, completely the opposite. Oh well. I'll continue to enjoy our poker nights, movie nights and occasional dinner/movie outings.
Lima* - here's the sticky tricky part... This boy is quite possibly the love of my life. We've only known each other just this year, and while we talk every single day on the phone or online, we've only ever hung out face to face a total of 6 days. Here's the story on that. He's from Myrtle Beach, SC but is stationed in Savannah, GA with the Army. My favorite travel spot is Myrtle Beach, so that's how I met him. We hit it off right away, and even when I came back to Rhode Island we talked just about everyday. We got closer to each other as we got to know each other, and the next time I went down there was September. It was like a dang 4th of July, fireworks everywhere. Everything was just so perfect. He is, also, currently stationed in Iraq and I talk to him usually twice a day. Our relationship continues to get stronger, but I'm afraid that he and I are on 2 totally different pages... My plan is to take things slow, since he is so far away and not coming home until next September. We've also only spent 6 days together, even though we've gotten to know each other a LOT by telephone. I don't want to jump into anything or make plans for a time that is so far away. It isn't hard for me to care about him so much, and I'm sure that when he's back I'll certainly end up in Georgia, but like I said... I'm just trying to take things slow. His plan... Quite the opposite. He's admitted to being in love with me and says I love you on a daily basis, has plans to get a bigger apartment in Georgia so that when he's back in September I can move down there immediately. He wants to come to Rhode Island to meet all of my friends and my family, which I think is absolutely wonderful. He wants them to "see who the guy is that you'll be moving away with." Yikes... Scary words for a girl who's not into commitment, trying to focus on work and school, and terrified of the word "marriage." Which brings me to the worst part of all... Remember I told you I call Kilo my wife? Well he jokes about how "when we get married, Kilo will have to stop calling you her wife, because you'll be my wife now." Whhooaaa cowboy. I understand the statement is a joke, but understand when I tell you this boy is dead serious. I wouldn't be surprised if he's bought a ring already. And you know... with all of this on my plate and him talking about it regularly, I'm surprisingly calm. I think I'm actually okay with the idea of moving, and eventually becoming a wife. I can't explain to you how that is possible with someone I've spent so little time with in person, but who can really put an explanation to love? If the definition includes smiling like an idiot, butterflies in the stomach, and endlessly talking about him to friends, family, co-workers, really anyone who will listen; well then I've got all that. Who knows. Guess we'll find out come September :)
Well, that about sums up my best friends. I have a lot of other friends that pop in and out of my life, but I probably won't be mentioning any of them in my posts. These are the people you'll be hearing a lot of, especially Lima =)
xo
kay_ski
* names have been changed
Either way, I'll figure it out.
So I am an unmarried woman with no boyfriend or commitment. I'm about as single as they come. But I have some very important men in my life. And of course, a lady. Of the men that are important to me, most of them are military. It comes with the lifestyle, and it's natural to make friends with people you can relate to. Anyone can say "I understand how you feel" but only another person who's gone through boot camp can really understand how you felt when you were forced to strip down to undergarments and roll around in the sand after working up a sweat in 114 degree weather in the middle of Texas. Only then can you tell me you know what it's like to be covered in sand under your uniform all day.
Anyways, these are the small handful of people I would do anything for. Bailing them out of jail, driving them out of state to pick up a car or for a trip, take a bullet for them. I can honestly say that I love every single one of these guys (and lady) and without them I don't know where I'd be.
Kilo* - This is my best female friend. She's beautiful. 5'9, tan, brown and blonde hair, killer smile. She's a super model, without actually being one. I met her through the Marine Corps, her and I attended the same Marine Corps Birthday Ball. We've been inseparable since then. We joke around and call each other 'wife.' If same sex marriage was a lot more out in the open and a lot more popular I'm sure a lot more people would mistakenly think we're serious. I couldn't have asked for a better friend. The only girl I have ever met who will honestly and whole-heartedly do anything for me, and I the same for her. She's stuck around through thick and thin and the best part about our relationship, is that sometimes we fight. I know that sounds strange, but if you think about it it makes sense. Think about most of your friendships, how many of those people can you honestly say you've fought with? Most of the time you don't spend enough time with a person to disagree with them or not get along, so there's nothing to argue about. Or they're not around enough to make it even worth saying something, when there is something that upset you. With Kilo, I can tell her when she hurt my feelings or when she plain ol' pissed me off, and she'll tell me when to shut the hell up. It works out for the both of us, and in an hour or by the next day we're completely over it. I love it. I can be completely honest with her, tell her anything, and she's still supportive. It's the most uncomplicated relationship I have ever had.
Bravo* - I've known this guy since 7th grade. Best thing about us, is that we've never tried to be more than friends. Never went out on a date, never kissed. Maybe that sounds weird to you too. But it's true when I tell you that when you know someone for that long, especially at such a young age, more times than not you think you have feelings for the person and try to make something of it. Bravo and I have always been strictly platonic friends and because of that we've been able to be best buds since forever. We both got arrested for the first time together (stealing street signs when we were 16. oh well), we've climbed to the tops of huge buildings, been there through breakups and makeups, gone on plenty of double dates. As straight as Bravo is, it's almost like having a gay best friend. I can talk to him about cramps, sex, anything... And he doesn't get grossed out or tell me to go find a girlfriend. Bravo, to Bravo.
Charlie* - What a pain in my ass. But he means the world to me. This is a bad, bad situation. He's the most stubborn, thick headed, hot tempered, impatient son of a bitch I've ever met. But there's just something about him... And unfortunately I wasn't the only one to feel that way. We tried to date, at least that's what I thought we were doing... And we drove each other absolutely crazy. I was convinced we were trying to make things work, and went insane when he was constantly talking to 1000 girls a day. Cell phone was non-stop. Really annoying. Well, he went crazy when he got sick of hearing me complain about it. It all came crashing down from there, but for some reason I never stopped talking to him. He completely lead me on to think we were exclusive, and broke my heart by telling me otherwise in the worst possible way. Like I said, there's just something about him. He's in the Marine Corps as well, and is currently stationed in Iraq. We write letters back and forth to each other, and of course he's the asshole who writes "I miss you" or "I really regret screwing everything up between us." Oohh what an idiot I am to carry on with it.
November* - This guy, is like my student. I pretty much teach him everything he knows. Like me, he went right into the military at the ripe age of 17. Except with him, he's now 22 and is still enlisted. He's never been a civilian, always was a Mamma's boy before he enlisted. He's never cooked with anything other than a microwave, has no idea how to do laundry, and couldn't tell you how to balance a checkbook. Thing with him is, he thinks he's absolutely in love with me. He believes I'm the greatest woman to ever walk the planet. My opinion, I think he's in love with my life, not me. I think it's that I've travelled so much, I've seen a ton of places and events, met a lot of truly unique people, and know how to live a normal, civilian life. Because he's based so far away from his home, I'm really the only person he knows that doesn't share the same base with him and isn't enlisted in the Marine Corps. I think for him, I'm a safety net. The closest thing to his Mum while he's away from home. I couldn't be in a relationship with him, ever. I feel so much older than him, even though technically he's a year older than me. We're on totally different pages in life, I'm much further up the ladder to Heaven. But, he's one of the best guy friends I've ever had. Extremely reliable, trustworthy and the best damn cuddle buddy for a movie. He, fortunately, is still in the States so at least I have one of my boys home, but he is set to leave for deployment come March.
Juliet* - Oooh the ex boyfriend. Also a Marine, might I add, and also not in Iraq. He just came home from his 3rd deployment in September. We started out as best friends, got ourselves into one hell of a relationship, it didn't work out and now we're friends. Except neither of us has completely let go. I see him 5 days out of 7. We occasionally still say I love you. We're extremely territorial of each other, but not in a jealous fashion. More like in a "don't you dare break my best friend's heart" fashion. Neither of us ever think the other's date is good enough. Always something wrong with them. And we're not in denial about not wanting to be together. Believe me it just doesn't work between us. I guess it's just hard to see each other with someone else, when we remember all of the good days we had together. Seeing him flirt or talk to other girls reminds me of when we used to get along, and everything was perfect. We've had a couple of relapses over this past year, tried to get back together. It was like... Trying to put out a fire with a tank of gasoline. We're exactly the same kind of stubborn and argumentative. We just pushed each other's buttons. But as friends, completely the opposite. Oh well. I'll continue to enjoy our poker nights, movie nights and occasional dinner/movie outings.
Lima* - here's the sticky tricky part... This boy is quite possibly the love of my life. We've only known each other just this year, and while we talk every single day on the phone or online, we've only ever hung out face to face a total of 6 days. Here's the story on that. He's from Myrtle Beach, SC but is stationed in Savannah, GA with the Army. My favorite travel spot is Myrtle Beach, so that's how I met him. We hit it off right away, and even when I came back to Rhode Island we talked just about everyday. We got closer to each other as we got to know each other, and the next time I went down there was September. It was like a dang 4th of July, fireworks everywhere. Everything was just so perfect. He is, also, currently stationed in Iraq and I talk to him usually twice a day. Our relationship continues to get stronger, but I'm afraid that he and I are on 2 totally different pages... My plan is to take things slow, since he is so far away and not coming home until next September. We've also only spent 6 days together, even though we've gotten to know each other a LOT by telephone. I don't want to jump into anything or make plans for a time that is so far away. It isn't hard for me to care about him so much, and I'm sure that when he's back I'll certainly end up in Georgia, but like I said... I'm just trying to take things slow. His plan... Quite the opposite. He's admitted to being in love with me and says I love you on a daily basis, has plans to get a bigger apartment in Georgia so that when he's back in September I can move down there immediately. He wants to come to Rhode Island to meet all of my friends and my family, which I think is absolutely wonderful. He wants them to "see who the guy is that you'll be moving away with." Yikes... Scary words for a girl who's not into commitment, trying to focus on work and school, and terrified of the word "marriage." Which brings me to the worst part of all... Remember I told you I call Kilo my wife? Well he jokes about how "when we get married, Kilo will have to stop calling you her wife, because you'll be my wife now." Whhooaaa cowboy. I understand the statement is a joke, but understand when I tell you this boy is dead serious. I wouldn't be surprised if he's bought a ring already. And you know... with all of this on my plate and him talking about it regularly, I'm surprisingly calm. I think I'm actually okay with the idea of moving, and eventually becoming a wife. I can't explain to you how that is possible with someone I've spent so little time with in person, but who can really put an explanation to love? If the definition includes smiling like an idiot, butterflies in the stomach, and endlessly talking about him to friends, family, co-workers, really anyone who will listen; well then I've got all that. Who knows. Guess we'll find out come September :)
Well, that about sums up my best friends. I have a lot of other friends that pop in and out of my life, but I probably won't be mentioning any of them in my posts. These are the people you'll be hearing a lot of, especially Lima =)
xo
kay_ski
* names have been changed
2 - Kevin Trudeau and "Natural Cures"
Have any of you ever heard of this author named Kevin Trudeau? He wrote this book called "natural cures they don't want you to know about" and I guess it was a pretty big hit. Oprah Winfrey had him as a guest on her show and gave out information on his book. He also has this website with a lot of remedies for little things like headaches to huge things like arthritis and skin diseases; and for 500 bucks you can have an all access pass to the website and his secrets. Go figure... And the book? No actual remedies in it either, as misleading as the inside cover may be. Basically it's a 300 page sales pitch to get you onto his website and pay the 500 bucks. If you can't tell, I have a horrible distaste for the guy. I can't stand him. But, of course, there are people who love and praise him like a God.
One of those people, is my mother. I love her to pieces, but she is completely obsessed with this book. I have never in my life been on more manhunts for the strangest spices and foods than I have for her from this website. As I said, she has Lupus, and this guy thinks hes got it aaalllll figured out, that he can cure it. Even though there are hundreds of doctors who still cannot figure it out. Well, regardless, she does whatever the man says.
What I'm getting at here, is my food allergy. I am highly allergic to citric acid; meaning I cannot eat any fruits, juices, yogurts, or anything that may contain fruits like desserts, waffles, pancakes, muffins, pies, candy. Nada. The worst of it is that I've only been like this since I was 14, maybe 15. So I know what I'm missing out on. I used to love chocolate covered strawberries and caramel apples. Blueberry waffles and strawberry cheesecake. I was really good about staying away from all this stuff up until around last year. I learned the wonderful benefits of Benadryl, and how helpful it is if you take twice the dosage. My typical allergic reaction of my throat closing up, horrible stomach aches, hives and boils everywhere and sometimes severe asthma attacks were reduced to just hives and a stomach ache, occasionally a hard time breathing or itchy throat, depending on what I ate. While those side effects still seem dangerous, it was nothing compared to what they used to be, and finally eating a very small amount of fruit again was wonderful. I can't tell you how much you'd appreciate a slice of apple with some peanut butter on it until you can't have it anymore.
So I call my Mom up one day and tell her I made the stupid mistake of eating a whole apple. Which by the way, apples are #2 highest in citric acid (one down from tomatoes) against the popular opinion that lemon or lime would be highest. And to top it off, I rubbed my eyes because they were itchy with the hand I used to cut the apple with. I couldn't see a bloody thing. So I get the usual "what is wrong with you?" and "do you want to end up in the hospital?" and then I hear her start her usual "I'm sure Kevin Trudeau has a remedy for this... Let me call you back." Woman thinks this guy is heaven sent. More like a witch doctor, if you ask me.
She calls me back an hour later to tell me she went to the website, and Mr. Trudeau here says that if you want to get rid of a food allergy, all you have to do is have small doses of it on a daily basis, and over a period of time slowly ramp up the amount you take in. Riiigghhhtt, I tell her. Because I want to be covered in hives with swollen eyes and a stomach ache everyday for god knows how long...
Well, let me tell you. 2 weeks now I've been covered in hives. I can't stop sneezing, I have a sore throat and the worst cough. I sound like a 60 year old lady with emphysema... I, for some reason, took my mother's advice. I've been drinking Coca Cola everyday now (caffeine free calorie free sugar free crap. I never used to drink soda because of what it does to your teeth) for the simple fact that I can put lime in it. To torture myself. I've been having a slice of apple or a slice of orange with my breakfast or lunch. And occasionally at dinner I'll have a couple bites of my friend's dessert, provided she ordered something fruity.
This. Has been. the worst. Two week. Of my life... I can't explain it to you. It feels like I'm dying from the inside out. I'm expecting my hair to fall out soon and my skin to slowly peel off. Granted, I'm obviously exaggerating because if it was that bad I would just stop. But in all honesty it is annoying enough to be up all night coughing, or every 3 minutes have to explain to a stranger standing near you that "Oh no, I'm not sick. No worries of it, you won't catch anything. It's just an allergic reaction."
Ugh. Someone please tell me there is a better way around this...
One of those people, is my mother. I love her to pieces, but she is completely obsessed with this book. I have never in my life been on more manhunts for the strangest spices and foods than I have for her from this website. As I said, she has Lupus, and this guy thinks hes got it aaalllll figured out, that he can cure it. Even though there are hundreds of doctors who still cannot figure it out. Well, regardless, she does whatever the man says.
What I'm getting at here, is my food allergy. I am highly allergic to citric acid; meaning I cannot eat any fruits, juices, yogurts, or anything that may contain fruits like desserts, waffles, pancakes, muffins, pies, candy. Nada. The worst of it is that I've only been like this since I was 14, maybe 15. So I know what I'm missing out on. I used to love chocolate covered strawberries and caramel apples. Blueberry waffles and strawberry cheesecake. I was really good about staying away from all this stuff up until around last year. I learned the wonderful benefits of Benadryl, and how helpful it is if you take twice the dosage. My typical allergic reaction of my throat closing up, horrible stomach aches, hives and boils everywhere and sometimes severe asthma attacks were reduced to just hives and a stomach ache, occasionally a hard time breathing or itchy throat, depending on what I ate. While those side effects still seem dangerous, it was nothing compared to what they used to be, and finally eating a very small amount of fruit again was wonderful. I can't tell you how much you'd appreciate a slice of apple with some peanut butter on it until you can't have it anymore.
So I call my Mom up one day and tell her I made the stupid mistake of eating a whole apple. Which by the way, apples are #2 highest in citric acid (one down from tomatoes) against the popular opinion that lemon or lime would be highest. And to top it off, I rubbed my eyes because they were itchy with the hand I used to cut the apple with. I couldn't see a bloody thing. So I get the usual "what is wrong with you?" and "do you want to end up in the hospital?" and then I hear her start her usual "I'm sure Kevin Trudeau has a remedy for this... Let me call you back." Woman thinks this guy is heaven sent. More like a witch doctor, if you ask me.
She calls me back an hour later to tell me she went to the website, and Mr. Trudeau here says that if you want to get rid of a food allergy, all you have to do is have small doses of it on a daily basis, and over a period of time slowly ramp up the amount you take in. Riiigghhhtt, I tell her. Because I want to be covered in hives with swollen eyes and a stomach ache everyday for god knows how long...
Well, let me tell you. 2 weeks now I've been covered in hives. I can't stop sneezing, I have a sore throat and the worst cough. I sound like a 60 year old lady with emphysema... I, for some reason, took my mother's advice. I've been drinking Coca Cola everyday now (caffeine free calorie free sugar free crap. I never used to drink soda because of what it does to your teeth) for the simple fact that I can put lime in it. To torture myself. I've been having a slice of apple or a slice of orange with my breakfast or lunch. And occasionally at dinner I'll have a couple bites of my friend's dessert, provided she ordered something fruity.
This. Has been. the worst. Two week. Of my life... I can't explain it to you. It feels like I'm dying from the inside out. I'm expecting my hair to fall out soon and my skin to slowly peel off. Granted, I'm obviously exaggerating because if it was that bad I would just stop. But in all honesty it is annoying enough to be up all night coughing, or every 3 minutes have to explain to a stranger standing near you that "Oh no, I'm not sick. No worries of it, you won't catch anything. It's just an allergic reaction."
Ugh. Someone please tell me there is a better way around this...
1 - To Fly, Or Not To Fly?
When I was 17 I joined the United States Air Force. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Being in the military is a lifestyle, a family. The only thing I ever hear out of people's mouths these days when I mention the USAF or they see the badges on my vehicle, or something I'm wearing that has the emblem is Iraq, the war, all the deaths, and how fed up they are with the Government. Occasionally, I get a thank you. So thank you, to those of you who realize I'm not the one who made you feel the way you do, who show their appreciation and take 2 seconds of their time to say Thank You. I don't want to talk about the war, I don't want to talk about President Bush or how you feel about certain political issues. I hear enough of that.
I want to focus on what it means to me, and my life.
As I was saying, joining the Air Force was one of the best decisions I ever made. You learn strength, honor, respect, self-confidence, wisdom and an education that public schools can't teach you, and most colleges make virtually unaffordable. It teaches you the true meaning to "Giving something back to your country." I learned self respect, I learned that when I have to run those 13 miles for the PFT and I feel like I can't make it past the 10th mile, to keep going...
Because it's 90% mental and 10% physical. Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
As for it's lifestyle... It's a guaranteed job. A guaranteed paycheck. No one fires you. You don't get laid off. They pay you to live off base, in most cases my rent was completely covered, and sometimes even some left over for utilities. If you get married, they give you even more money to your check, for housing. And the same if you have kids. They take care of you, give you medical, dental, money to put you through a college or university. And the benefits cover your wife/husband and kids as well. Life was basically handed to you, it was the easiest thing in the world. Is it all perks? Hell no. You work your ass off everyday, sometimes 12-16 hour days. They need you to come to work, but it's Saturday... too bad. Occasionally, we get a "96" or sometimes a "72." Which means 3 or 4 days to do whatever. You go to work on the first day off long enough to check out, do whatever the hell you want for 3-4 days (except leave the country) and then on the 3rd or 4th day you come back into work to check in. Regular work hours resume the following morning. As for vacation, it works pretty much like any corporate business. We get 2 1/2 days accumulated per month. If you want to take time off, you put in papers for it, just like in the civilian world. It gets approved, and you can fly home to see your family if they're not close to where you're based. Take a vacation to Hawai'i with your spouse.
Anyway, what I'm getting at here (and no it's not to recruit people or make the military look like a pot of gold) is that it made me happy. I was a hell of a lot less stressed, I was a lot more stable, and I felt like I was actually going somewhere in life.
Wondering why all of that is in past tense? Bad series of events... I shattered my ankle. 5 surgeries, a titanium rod, metal plates and a handful of screws later, and my doctor decided I "wasn't fit for the military" anymore. At first I agreed. I could barely walk, never mind run. My job was extremely demanding; clearing houses, extensive running, and a lot of jumping off of walls or rooftops, and I knew I'd never do it with my bum leg. Coming up on 2 years since it happened now. I run everyday, I don't limp anymore, and I still set off metal detectors ;) And while jumping off of walls still doesn't feel good at all, what's the worst that can happen? I doubt I'll be shattering titanium. I feel like I'm ready to go back.
Here's the problem:
I've been living a civilian lifestyle for almost 2 years... That alone will make you second guess the military, which is probably why they brainwash kids at such a young age to sign a contract (Don't tell my staff sergeant I just said that). Another big thing keeping me from marching down there right now, my Mom. I told you about how she's sick. While we don't expect her to leave us anytime soon, not even the next few years (hopefully), she still needs me around. We live in different places but I still do her grocery shopping, take her to her doctor's visits, call her on the days I can't physically keep her company. She doesn't ask me not to go, but she certainly voices her opinion about the military and going overseas. As an ex military wife I can certainly understand why she might feel that way... She put up with a lot when her and my father were together.
So the problem here is that I want to go, on most days. But I would never forgive myself if I went, and something happened to my Mom and I couldn't be there for her. My little sister goes to school nearby and goes home on weekends and vacations. My mom's boyfriend lives at home with her too, so it's not like I'd be leaving her completely deserted... And at the same time, if the doctors are telling her she can expect to live a long while, I can't keep holding myself back from life decisions. I didn't go to school out of state because I was afraid to leave my mom. And let me tell you, the schools here in Rhode Island... Not very impressive. Unless you like a huge distraction from your schoolwork at all times because it's one huge party.
And as a side note... If I did sign another contract, I've also thought about whether I would stay with the Air Force. I probably will, but I've considered the Marine Corps; Military Police. It's hard to explain why. The majority of my military friends are Marines, because my father was, so maybe I just like the idea of being posted on a base I actually know people. The pay isn't as good and as far as I'm concerned they're not as organized. Their deployments overseas last longer... But there's just something about it I guess.
Anyway, my question here is: Should I go back? Is it okay to leave my Mom?
I want to focus on what it means to me, and my life.
As I was saying, joining the Air Force was one of the best decisions I ever made. You learn strength, honor, respect, self-confidence, wisdom and an education that public schools can't teach you, and most colleges make virtually unaffordable. It teaches you the true meaning to "Giving something back to your country." I learned self respect, I learned that when I have to run those 13 miles for the PFT and I feel like I can't make it past the 10th mile, to keep going...
Because it's 90% mental and 10% physical. Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
As for it's lifestyle... It's a guaranteed job. A guaranteed paycheck. No one fires you. You don't get laid off. They pay you to live off base, in most cases my rent was completely covered, and sometimes even some left over for utilities. If you get married, they give you even more money to your check, for housing. And the same if you have kids. They take care of you, give you medical, dental, money to put you through a college or university. And the benefits cover your wife/husband and kids as well. Life was basically handed to you, it was the easiest thing in the world. Is it all perks? Hell no. You work your ass off everyday, sometimes 12-16 hour days. They need you to come to work, but it's Saturday... too bad. Occasionally, we get a "96" or sometimes a "72." Which means 3 or 4 days to do whatever. You go to work on the first day off long enough to check out, do whatever the hell you want for 3-4 days (except leave the country) and then on the 3rd or 4th day you come back into work to check in. Regular work hours resume the following morning. As for vacation, it works pretty much like any corporate business. We get 2 1/2 days accumulated per month. If you want to take time off, you put in papers for it, just like in the civilian world. It gets approved, and you can fly home to see your family if they're not close to where you're based. Take a vacation to Hawai'i with your spouse.
Anyway, what I'm getting at here (and no it's not to recruit people or make the military look like a pot of gold) is that it made me happy. I was a hell of a lot less stressed, I was a lot more stable, and I felt like I was actually going somewhere in life.
Wondering why all of that is in past tense? Bad series of events... I shattered my ankle. 5 surgeries, a titanium rod, metal plates and a handful of screws later, and my doctor decided I "wasn't fit for the military" anymore. At first I agreed. I could barely walk, never mind run. My job was extremely demanding; clearing houses, extensive running, and a lot of jumping off of walls or rooftops, and I knew I'd never do it with my bum leg. Coming up on 2 years since it happened now. I run everyday, I don't limp anymore, and I still set off metal detectors ;) And while jumping off of walls still doesn't feel good at all, what's the worst that can happen? I doubt I'll be shattering titanium. I feel like I'm ready to go back.
Here's the problem:
I've been living a civilian lifestyle for almost 2 years... That alone will make you second guess the military, which is probably why they brainwash kids at such a young age to sign a contract (Don't tell my staff sergeant I just said that). Another big thing keeping me from marching down there right now, my Mom. I told you about how she's sick. While we don't expect her to leave us anytime soon, not even the next few years (hopefully), she still needs me around. We live in different places but I still do her grocery shopping, take her to her doctor's visits, call her on the days I can't physically keep her company. She doesn't ask me not to go, but she certainly voices her opinion about the military and going overseas. As an ex military wife I can certainly understand why she might feel that way... She put up with a lot when her and my father were together.
So the problem here is that I want to go, on most days. But I would never forgive myself if I went, and something happened to my Mom and I couldn't be there for her. My little sister goes to school nearby and goes home on weekends and vacations. My mom's boyfriend lives at home with her too, so it's not like I'd be leaving her completely deserted... And at the same time, if the doctors are telling her she can expect to live a long while, I can't keep holding myself back from life decisions. I didn't go to school out of state because I was afraid to leave my mom. And let me tell you, the schools here in Rhode Island... Not very impressive. Unless you like a huge distraction from your schoolwork at all times because it's one huge party.
And as a side note... If I did sign another contract, I've also thought about whether I would stay with the Air Force. I probably will, but I've considered the Marine Corps; Military Police. It's hard to explain why. The majority of my military friends are Marines, because my father was, so maybe I just like the idea of being posted on a base I actually know people. The pay isn't as good and as far as I'm concerned they're not as organized. Their deployments overseas last longer... But there's just something about it I guess.
Anyway, my question here is: Should I go back? Is it okay to leave my Mom?
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